Coaching a close friend presents power dynamics. How can you navigate this delicate balance effectively?

Coaching my close friend and cousin was a unique experience. Her self-awareness made formal boundaries unnecessary. We seamlessly transitioned between coach-coachee roles during our sessions and returned to our sibling bond outside the program!

It is helpful to mention this ahead of the class that your sessions are strictly for their professional development and you value maximizing their time. This helps to establish and maintain clear boundaries ahead of time and both party understand the sole aim of the sessions.

Although ideally you would send them to another coach (and I do that now), I've been in a few situations where I was the only coach available for them early on in my career. In those situations it is vital to establish that you will be a coach when you are coaching and NOT a coach the rest of the time.

relationship. I once coached a friend and we agreed to keep our coaching sessions and personal interactions separate. This helped prevent any overlap or confusion between our professional and personal lives.

The times I’ve had friends ask for me to coach them I’ve gone through a number of questions before deciding to go ahead. These include: - how open is this person to change? - how able will they be to switch between ‘friend’ and ‘coachee’ as and when we need to? - are they able to have really open and honest discussions with me about how we navigate the situation if one of us decides it’s not working? Then I have a very frank conversation with them to explain how the communication changes when in the coaching dynamic. I explain that it will only work if we both agree to switch into roles of coach and coachee for sessions, then switch off that dynamic at the end of a session and go back to speaking how we normally would like friends.

It's important to remain objective and avoid letting personal feelings influence your coaching. During sessions, I focused solely on my friend's professional goals and challenges, treating them as I would any other client. This approach helped me provide unbiased advice and support.

For the friends I have coached, they have received the same treatment as a regular client from me. That’s because I had very thorough upfront conversations before agreeing to work together in this capacity. Either decide to go all in and treat them exactly as you would a ‘real’ client or don’t coach them at all. If you begin coaching a friend and feel that it’s getting difficult or it’s going to damage a friendship then pause and raise your concern with them. Tell them you need to redesign the alliance as if they share the same concern you can stop coaching.

It is humanly impossible to stay objective because you cannot unlearn what you already know. There's a reason why attorneys will often offer information/conjecture that they know will be struck from the record and that it's because it cannot be struck from the jury's mind.

Clear expectations need to be established from the start. I had an open discussion with my friend about what they could expect from our coaching relationship and what was outside its scope. This clarity helped prevent misunderstandings and set a solid foundation for our professional interactions.

The first thing that springs to mind here is boundaries! Be very clear before starting the coaching relationship that you will only talk about coaching topics during dedicated coaching sessions, and not if you happen to catch up for a friendly coffee or lunch. I’d recommend having everything written down and shared via email, clearly showing you both understand and agree on what is going to happen and what is expected from both parties to make this work. That way you can always refer back to the email if any confusion arises.

To be clear and transparent in all things is important, as it takes energy to maintain a pretence. I wouldn't advise to coach a friend really, if my friend wanted me to coach them I would perhaps coach them as to why they want me to be there coach, as opposed to someone else?

Transparent communication is key. I made sure to communicate openly about any potential conflicts of interest and how we could address them. This openness fostered trust and ensured we were on the same page throughout the coaching process.

Communication is everything in coaching. Without effective communication the coaching relationship doesn’t exist. Some tips to ensure both people are on the same page: - start by agreeing upon your ways of working together in the coaching capacity. - ask direct and clarifying questions like “I would like to interrupt you if you get lost in a narrative. Do I have your permission to do that?” - send a written summary. Ask them to respond to the email in confirmation - tell them they can bring up this agreement anytime and make changes if they feel something isn’t working - during sessions you can reflect back what you’re hearing them say and confirm you’re hearing correctly

As part of communicating I wear either real or metaphorical hats... I have gone so far as to literally have a hat on that I only wear when we are coaching.. and explain that when that hat comes off we are back to our regular relationship. It helps for them to SEE the physical indicator of coaching versus non-coaching roles.

Communication is a hot topic and important tool to get right as much as possible. Things can get misinterpreted, and meanings may differ from a cultural perspective. Using clarifying questions is very worthy, and also demonstrates to the client that they have been heard and understood properly.

Encouraging your friend to take ownership of their growth is vital. I guided my friend to develop their own solutions rather than relying on me for answers. This approach not only empowered them but also helped maintain a healthy balance in our friendship.

I would never push any client to make a particular decision, friend or not. Coaching isn’t about directing anyone, it’s about helping someone explore their own world, beliefs, patterns, behaviours and enable them to become more self aware. They can then make their own decisions from a place of being more self aware and conscious of all options available to them.

I feel autonomy and agency are important for a person to grasp. Having agency and an internal locus of control for ones self is an important part of being human - and a person. Inform your friend about the upsides to being independent and find out why they are not developing by their own pursuits and how you can signpost them in the right direction.

Regular reflection on the coaching relationship can help identify any emerging issues. My friend and I scheduled periodic check-ins to discuss how our coaching dynamic was working and make any necessary adjustments. This ongoing dialogue ensured that our coaching relationship remained effective and respectful.

When coaching a close friend, balancing professional and personal dynamics can be tricky. Start by setting clear boundaries—define specific coaching times and stick to them. Maintain objectivity by providing honest feedback without letting personal biases creep in. Manage expectations by outlining what both of you aim to achieve and keeping professional advice separate from personal opinions. Communicate openly to ensure both of you understand the goals and methods. Encourage your friend’s independence by guiding rather than directing, and reflect regularly on how the coaching relationship is progressing to keep it effective and respectful.

Taking time to reflect on how far the person has come, and what's changed helps build and maintain momentum. Reflection also allows a person to see where they may have gone wrong and future improvements to make. Looking back to see how far you have walked on a hike, for example, really spurs you on and gives you a sense of accomplishment.